We got so high we made milksteak
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
