Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You ruined the universe
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
