Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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