kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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