part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
