Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
