Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
