oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
