Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
