my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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