It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this will be a night to untag.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
