Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
