Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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