also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
