I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
