Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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