Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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