So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
