my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
