they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
