i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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