And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
