i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize