I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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