I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
