tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize