I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
