I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
