WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
