John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
