Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
