I hate all girls vehemently.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
