I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
