I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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