? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
