my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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