Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
