I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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