She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
