I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
