if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
