He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
