There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize