we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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