he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
