If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
