I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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