For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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