I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
