There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
