Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
