I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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