Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I AM VODKA MAN
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
