went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
