I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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