As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
