were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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