yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
