Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
