When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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