Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
