She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize