its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
