How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
