i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
