he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
