He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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