we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
