So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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